


Dick Grayson is a terrible roommate

by The_Crafty_Cracker



Series: All about Dick... (Pun intended) [11]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Artemis is so done, Dick Grayson is a Troll, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Rubber Ducks, Texting, Trolling, Young Justice team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 16:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12844737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Crafty_Cracker/pseuds/The_Crafty_Cracker
Summary: Dick, we need to talk about the ducks...





	Dick Grayson is a terrible roommate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Isaac_McCa11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isaac_McCa11/gifts).



> This is my early birthday gift to Isaac_McCa11 love you!! I would have done something else as well but I only found out like yesterday and for some reason, my writing ability has withered away into nothing for no reason, hopefully, I'll get it back soon... Or really the motivation to do anything really ugh. 
> 
> But also this fic is based on this video ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5d8pVg3Qtg  
> It's brilliant. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! :D

To be fair to Dick, he wasn’t the worst roommate in their apartment, that title without a doubt went to Wally. The kid paid his share and didn’t hog all the hot water, he was quiet, though that wasn’t always a good thing since the kid was like part ninja or something and would sneak up on you, giving you a heart attack. He didn’t eat all the food and washed and cleaned up- unless you went into his and Wally’s room then that looked like a bomb had hit one side of the room. West’s only redeeming feature was that he _actually_ kept his side of his room tidy.

So yes Dick Grayson wasn’t perfect, but he wasn't the worst.

But he was also a little troll.

And here’s the story why…

Now, Artemis has never been partially picky or judgemental about the people she lives with and their habits. Wally never stopped eating, Conner would sit and watch static on TV for hours on end, and Megan couldn’t cook to save her life but she still baked on a weekly basis and used her roommates as test subjects. Seriously Conner and Wally had once been sick for a week after one test sample gave them both food poisoning. Kaldur had this thing about water and always got up early to go swimming.

Dick, besides his borderline daddy issues, not that she could say anything on the topic because anytime someone even mentioned her father they were most likely to get their heads bitten off, had his ducks.

To explain, when they all moved in together, they all got little baskets to put their cleaning and bathroom items in, both her and Megan took full advantage of this and filled they're up to the brim with their products, the boys’ however, theirs were pretty much empty and sparse. But a certain _someone_ decided that having an empty basket was unacceptable and decided to fill his with little rubber ducks.  

 _Lots_ of rubber ducks.

Which really was fine.

Artemis even found it funny, amusing, that every time she went into the bathroom Dick had rearranged them into something else, ranging from pyramids to a duck conga; and to be fair, it was really cool. Then Dick started to get themes like Halloween, Christmas- there was even a wedding! Which apparently lasted less than a day because of they next time she went in, there was some kind of divorce preceding going off, meaning that Dick had _way_ too much time on his hands. You’d think someone who was studying to go into the police force would be rushed off their feet, but no, not Dick Grayson, it was almost like he had all the time in the world because one time the ducks had started their own religion.

Then it got more advanced. One day she walked into the bathroom to see like a Mufasa death scene, then another day it was a _Titanic_ moment with Rose and Jack; actually, it was pretty impressive and strangely accurate, considering it was made out of rubber ducks.  

None of this bothered her, really. If that’s what the kid wanted to do with his free time then she’d let him be, as long as he didn’t hog the bathroom with his hobby then it was fine. Ehe had a big enough problem trying to get Kaldur out of the shower each morning. Honestly, the man could be in there for hours on end and then still go to the pool to swim. All of which was easier than getting Conner to change the channel. Really what she was trying to say was that she didn’t mind the ducks, nor their Sim’s style life.                                    

However…

 _He got more_.

And not just a couple.

_HUNDREDS!_

The little yellow fuckers were _everywhere_.

Honestly, all she had wanted to do was take a shower. She was already late for her class since she’d accidentally set her alarm clock for six PM instead of AM but no, instead of rushing in and out of the shower like she had wanted to, she had to go through an army of ducks. Seriously, Dick had staged Nuremberg in the bath! With a slightly bigger duck on top of a loofah acting as Hitler!

It was safe to say that she was late and got into way too much trouble because it took her way too long to wade through those plastic parasites!

Okay, so the ducks needed to go.

Obviously, she planned on confronting Dick about them, lay down the law, but then the memory of the ‘ _talk’_ she had with him about his cereal habits came to mind. The little shit had a smart mouth and knew how to use it, meaning he got to keep his seven different varying super unhealthy and diabetes-inducing sugar filled bits in neon colored boxes. Honestly, it was bad enough the first time! Never mind having to do it again with his beloved ducks.

So she decided to text him instead...           

* * *

_Dick, we need to talk about the ducks._

_The ducks?_

_The bathroom ducks._

_The bathroom ducks?_

_Yes, the ducks in the bathroom!_

_Oh, those ducks._

_What about them?_

_Please stop._

_I was in a rush this morning and couldn’t do shit until I move all the little fuckers out of my way_

_AND I got into a significant but unjustified amount of trouble for being late._

_Maybe you try getting up earlier then?_

_Don’t sass me. I’m not in the mood._

_Sorry Arty, from now on, no more tiny ducks. You have my word._

* * *

To be fair to Dick, he didn’t break his promises that and with the prankster history she should have seen this coming…

No longer were their tiny ducks in their bathroom.

Oh no.

Nope.

None.

JUST BIG DUCKS INSTEAD.

SEVEN BIG DUCKS.

One took up the sink, another two were split between the tumble dryer and the washer, one fell on her head as she opened the door to the bathroom and then three of them were scattered spontaneously around the house. The last one, however, she didn’t find until early, early morning and how did she find it? Well, she’d seriously needed to pee, so she did, though everyone who shared their apartment knew that it was the best idea to keep all of the lights out during the night because if you turned on even a lamp someone somewhere would wake up. It was weird, yes, but it happened, so they all adapted to the no lights at night rule. Also, you had to be insanely quiet as well, something which made Wally and Conner frequently on the receiving end of sleepy or sleep deprived death glares of their flatmates if they got up during the night. So during her two am a stealthy trip to their bathroom, mid-business to make things worse, she noticed the neon yellow, glow in the dark yellow, fucker that was peeking at her with it’s glowing green eyes, from over the side of the bathtub!

She didn’t squeal.

She didn’t!

Though she might have got some very annoyed and unimpressed looks from three of her five roommates while the two twits on the sofa were sniggering and chuckling to each other.

The little shit was so dead!

* * *

_Do you think what you’re doing is funny?_

_A bit._

_Lucky for you I’m out of town this weekend visiting my sister,_ _so your pummelling will have to wait,_

 _but by the time I get back I want_ _ALL THE DUCKS GONE DICK!_

_:( Can’t I just have one duck in the bathroom?_

_ONE._

_:)_

* * *

She should have known better.

After the cereal incident and the no more small ducks.

Why did she even agree to one?

“Holy shit!” She shouted in shock as she had to back away from the giant, humongous, and frankly terrifying monstrosity that was the bathroom’s current solo rubber duck. Jesus, that thing would be haunting her in her nightmares for years to come! Wally slid to her side, after hearing her cry as she tried to calm down her heart rate. The redhead took one look at the thing that could also be called a duck, his eyes widening like hers had when she first saw this _thing!_ However, unlike her, his face brightened.

“One duck.” Wally gasped with a grin before it clicked and he fell into borderline hysterical laughter, which only served to piss her off even more. “You said one duck in the bathroom!”

 **_“GRAYSON!”_ **  She was going to kill the kid! Well, not kill but close, as she couldn’t afford to go up or win against Bruce Wayne in court.

In between his laughing fits, while gasping for air, Wally managed to choke out that Dick wasn’t here, he’d gone to spend the day with his father and brothers, so with the reason behind her rage away, the little shit knew what was going to happen and ran off for the week, smart move on his part, Artemis had no other choice than to take her anger out on something, or _someone_ else…

“OW! Ow! Ow! OW! _OW!”_

* * *

_YOU’RE INSANE!_

 

_Quackers ;)_

* * *

 

And that, everyone, is the reason why Dick Grayson is a terrible roommate.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> And happy (early) birthday to my wonderful, brilliant beta!


End file.
